Facing Fear of Imperfection and Insecurity: What Makes you Vulnerable?
My insecurity was at an all time high after receiving some raw images back from a recent photoshoot; I found myself obsessing over the imperfections of the first set of photographs. After a few days of feeling that I had let down the photographer, hairstylist, and makeup artist because I came to the shoot ‘flawed’ – I realized that I was giving power to an insecurity and that was making me vulnerable to my own self-doubt. In an effort to take control over this insecurity, I posted the photo that bothered me the most to Instagram. I was in no way prepared for the outpouring of support and love I received from sharing the photograph. I wanted to share the post from my Instagram on the blog. Let’s conquer our insecurities together.
In 2017, lets focus on Self-Kindness instead of Self-Improvement.
The treatment that I am on is taking me closer to remission and wellness. But it does not come without side effects. Don’t get me wrong, there are much worse ramifications that I physically and mentally face daily because of the treatment regimen I am on, but today I am talking about the ones that affect me due to vanity: severe breakouts, sallow skin, puffy face… It may seems silly given the gravity of the health situation I face, but in my defense, there are psychological forces at work here.
I hate looking in the mirror and seeing the inside of my physical body reflected outwards – I can visibly see that I am sick; the outside representing the battle being fought within. Looking in the mirror becomes another reminder of what my body is going through; that my very life is under attack. The puffy, broken out face, the sallow tint to my skin, the muscle atrophy, these things force me to literally face what is happening to me and all that I have been through. They are signs of a much deeper, darker force that is the disease within me.
This link (click here) has an explanation about my health, but my point is this: by posting this photograph, I am exposing my vulnerabilities so that they no longer have power over me. I am releasing my insecurities and letting go. Perhaps I’m cheating a bit (baby steps, right?) after all, I had a professional team that day: a hair stylist, makeup artist, and one of the South’s leading photographers.
Despite all of that, the camera does not lie; this angle provides a glimpse of what occurs much deeper and uncovers many truths that I would rather keep hidden. Why should I care about acne when I’m fighting a disease that could have taken my life? Because to me, it represents something. It represents the disease. It represents this invisible illness in a very visible way.
I think if we look hard enough, we discover the truths behind our insecurities, and its generally a much deeper issue.
This year I encourage you to determine and then release whatever reasons your insecurities have power over you. For me, it starts with a simple photograph, as I wrap my mind around the fact that after all these years perhaps I am not as “okay” with this illness as I once thought. And you know what? Thats okay.
:: Get if off your chest! Comment below: What is one insecurity you aim to conquer in 2017? ::